Well, what a way to end a year!

I can't say that I'm all that proud of how insanely fun this year has been with a move mid school year;

- causing daughter #1 to fall into a "mid life crisis"
- the difficulty changing schools on children who CLING to teachers and love them so deeply it's like cutting their sweet little hearts out with spoons
- move to a completely different city and county with new rules
-  and holy crap the teachers email the bejeezus out of you during the week... not. even. kidding.

If you wanna throw into that finding empty reading logs - because my kids hate filling them out, the piles of overdue notices I got from dot #2 losing a book, and lackluster projects we did last minute because I really didn't want to do them, I think they're silly and over rated for kids that little, then you've got my last MONTH.

Dot #2 comes in with some thing she asks me to sign this morning, and as long as I'm not donating my good kidney, I'm good with putting my initials on something, because after all, her forging my signature didn't work so well.  HA HA!  Then she says something about "field day yadda yadda love you mom bye!"  Riiiiight.  RIIIIIGHT.

Toss into that mix a new job that I don't especially adore at the moment because it's SO complicated, my therapist going on a leave of absence for who knows how long, I seriously wonder how I got so lucky to be trusted with so much all at once.  And my friends, this is just the tip of the iceberg.  I failed this semester when I had PTSD stuff triggered by a class I was taking and caused shut down.  I don't know what that's going to do to my GPA or what, but I think classes would be best suited to have a fair warning on them about what the subject matter really is and not what the description says.  Just saying.

Oh, and I've lost the password to my OTHER BLOG - and they won't let me back in, so I'm pretty much toast on that one.  Yep.

Wonderful.

And summer starts tomorrow?  Meaning, children fighting over the computer, wii, DS, phone, etc all day and meanwhile, I try to survive.  Maybe ear plugs are a good idea at this point....?

To this I smile and say BRING IT ON!

Always - Your Amy

Mental Ruts

So - I know there are a lot of us that get in these really bad ruts... I always think of old Nintendo Excite Bike game ruts from the jumps when I think of ruts, but that's a tangent for another day.  Back to ruts.  I think we forget how truly powerful our minds can be.  There is a fantastic book/audio book I listen to or read on a regular basis called The Power by Rhonda Byrne.  It's changed lives!  Including mine.  I have found the links to the audio for it on youtube, but won't post the link.  I'll let you find it.  But I suggest that you look it up and give it a listen if you're feeling stuck.  I wanna help you out of that rut.

I love you guys.  Please know that.  If you think nobody else has love for you, I do. :)

Amy

Words To Take To Heart

Simple post for today! I promise to get better at blogging once the move is over.  I love you all and wish you the best!  (PS if you click the photo, it enlarges)

Amy

Whirlwinds...

On December 20th, I was given a tentative diagnosis of cancer.  Yes, me.  It punched me in the gut and wiped me out of all reality for about an hour.  It doesn't make sense to me, that a person who loves people so unconditionally, who wants to help the world, and wants to be here to change lives, is given a sentence of suffering.  I believe in miracles.  I have seen them work in my life, so I will continue to pray that the doctor is wrong, or that my labs that get re-drawn on my second opinion in a week, come back clean.  Until then, I will continue to work passionately towards what I love doing.  Helping people with nutrition and health.  Note - I never said being skinny.

I believe firmly, that fitness is as much of a mindset as a physical state of being.  Watching The Biggest Loser last night affirmed that when one contestant named Nikki sent herself home.  Does weight-loss uncover insecurities?  You bet!  It sure does, but when you lose the weight, you lose the emotional baggage with it, if you go about it the right way.  I've suffered a lot of abuse in my life, and it's left me feeling out of control sometimes.  I used to have a crutch in eating disorders, but after having kids, I can't do that.  It's not something I can feed into anymore.  But I want you to know, you being healthy depends on you.  You're the one who shops for your pantry and fridge.  You are the one who eats the food you do.  To this I say, STOP THE ABUSE!  You deserve a life full of joy, limitlessness, and health!

If I were to ask you at this moment to do me a favor, I would ask you to take a look in the mirror.  Yes, walk away from what you are reading after you have the instructions, and go have a look at yourself.  I want you to know, there is nobody that can take your place.  That you are worth the work you are about to invest in yourself.  Reclaiming your life is the greatest work you can undertake and the biggest slap in the face to what has held you back.  I want you to find one thing a day, just one thing, that you can focus on as being a positive.  What makes you different and wonderful? 

Too often we are stuck, staring at ourselves in the mirror, looking at what we hate.  "I hate my love handles, my double chin, my cellulite."  Whatever those negative messages are, you have to stop that.  Those messages are telling your body you are those things, when you're not.  You may have fat, but you are not fat.  If you were fat, you wouldn't have a heart, blood, lungs, a brain... you are a person, dealing with issues just like everyone else.

There is an excellent book, for self help-ers (I would say it falls into that category) that teaches you the power of thoughts.  It's called The Power, by Rhonda Byrne.  I have it on Audio as well as the hard copy so I can listen to it when I'm cleaning or working, or read it when I need some spark of hope.  It reminds me to control what I say to myself and to the universe (when I am angry I sometimes scream at the sky) because it breeds consequences, good and bad.

I still struggle with my weight.  In fact, I was told by my doctor - the same who diagnosed me with cancer - that I needed to lose 20% of my body weight.  What she doesn't understand, is I can run a 5K, I have no problem with fitness, I'm not a couch potato.  I eat healthy, but she didn't want to see my food logs.  But the weight is hard for me to lose for physiological reasons I needed her help for and obviously she didn't get.

I'm not a skinny nutritionist.  I've never been super skinny.  I've been where you are, and where you are going.  What I say to you is... YOU ARE WORTH IT!  Keep up the good work, and even if reading this today was the first step in the right direction, it's always one foot in front of the other that keeps us moving in the right direction.

With Love,
Amy

When Tragedy Strikes

I am now at the point of being at a loss for words, and have the words ready I have mulled around all day.  People ask how do we get this problem from happening again?  While there is not one PERFECT answer that we could do, I think a lot of what we need to do is start being better people the moment we are entrusted with little people to care for.

Now I am not saying that it is mandatory that we become strict rigid parents and shield them from the world.  That is wrong.  What I am saying is that we teach our children responsibility, love, and safety.  In a response to a facebook comment I left on a friend's page:

"I think the biggest statement we can take from this is to teach our children to be responsible human beings; keeping their rights, their morals, and our love close to them... and teach them that they are worthwhile. It may not be popular, but I taught my girls to shoot a BB gun this year as an entry into guns. I believe in protecting yourself and being responsible with it, and passing that responsibility onto your kids."

I have to wonder if the young man who did this, really knew he was a worthwhile human being buried beneath the darkness?  What was his support system like?  It is this young man's fault that he pulled the trigger, but I'm wondering where everyone else was in his life?  I wonder what happened with his mother that would leave him so angry he'd shoot her at work, and then, turn and fire on innocent children.

When you look at this world, there is a huge lack of love.  Does it take something this tragic to make you love your children and appreciate them more?  Does it make you grateful you have presents, however inexpensive or expensive they may be, that your children will open, and won't be left untouched?  Love is the greatest power in the universe.  Truly.  

People create things because they love to, because it makes them feel good.  All I can think is there was a lack of love somewhere for something like this to happen.  So, yes, be the change you want to see in this very sad world.  Change the way you treat and talk to people.  You never know that your passing glance in judgment or lack of acceptance may be the straw that breaks the trigger puller's back.

Be Kind.  Give Love.  Find Peace.

All my best, 
Amy

It's been a long road, but I love you!

So ladies and gents, here it is.  A breakdown of my breakdown lately.  I've suffered with PTSD for about two and a half years know.  See here.  Recently, I went to see this Chiropractor who also does wellness and what not, and she suggested I get my adrenals tested.  So I did.  On a level of 1-7, seven being the lowest function, I got a six.  Yep.  That explained the extreme exhaustion, lack of weight loss, and motivation for much.

Bounce ahead to today.  It's been one week since I started to take these new supplements and feel better.  I'm loaded with; B complex - with Calcium, a super multivitamin, Super Concentrated Cranberry Extract, Vitamin D, Vitamin E, Iron, Flax Oil (for Omega fats), biotin for hair and nails, lowered my Paxil dose to half, and will half again soon so I can wean off, added Wellbutrin back in on a low dose to help balance the Paxil nonsense, still take my thyroid medicine, sleep more than I used to, practice real breathing and yoga more often, drink more herbal teas, and if you read all of that, I'm impressed.

It's been some sort of rollercoaster I have been on, with this adrenal problem, but now that I am on the mend, I feel better.  I have to remember I can't take on so much at once and that I need to do what I can, and do my very best and not more than I should.  I think overload was a big part of my adrenal fatigue, because I constantly lived in a stressful situation, I would stress on top of other things and drain myself totally.  Thank heavens for miracles!

Anyway - I'm grateful to feel back enough to get a post up and to feel a bit more alive again.  I thank you for your patience in this life-long journey we have.  May you find peace and love with all that you do.

~Amy

Welp...

I'm so sorry I've been busy with school and what not that's led to this absence but, don't doubt for a moment that I don't think about you.  It's funny, when I become the one to struggle with my weight again.  Medication is a doozy; unpredictable and horrendous.  I've had my medicines switched again because I gained back what I lost... And I tracked my food.  I'm hoping it's in water weight or something.  We all struggle from time to time.  At least I admit it.

I think I'm doing relatively well in my college classes at the moment.  It's really exciting to learn things I never understood on the level I'm learning now.  The maturity of brain matter and material... HA HA!  (I know I'm preaching to the choir but I loves ya)

Anyway - I am always available for you - for support or whatever you need.  Shoot me an email and I will do my best to respond asap.  XO  Amy