Phoenix Rising

The last year has spawned a lot of growth, heartache, struggle, amazing wins, painful losses, and has helped me find my feet and my faith.  It's about time I sit and write what I can for the last year of my life that you've missed.  So here it goes, brace yourself.

First things first, at the current moment, I am a single mom.  Meaning, yes, Jason and I are divorced.  It was a series of painful and emotionally draining moments - ONE. RIGHT. AFTER. THE. OTHER.  Ultimately, I filed for divorce July 9, 2013 and it was all signed, said and done August 5, 2013.  He left Idaho before the divorce was even final.  What an eerie feeling watching his truck, the travel trailer we bought, and his belongings being towed away to Oklahoma.  The part that was the hardest was the aftermath for the children.  My tiny little people... watched their father leave them.  You try to explain that it's the best thing for their dad and that he'll still be their dad, just from a long ways away.  We're adjusted now.  They're used to hearing from him when he calls or texting.  That keeps them going.

It was painful to come across his things as I was trying to rebuild my life.  I was left with everything he didn't want, things he left behind on accident, and the rental we signed for and still had 9 months or so on.  I decided that when I got the opportunity to move on and into a new place, that my house would be free of his things, that it would be a space for the girls and I to feel safe.  The sad memories needed to be left at the old house.  So I went through each box, every bag, being careful to make sure his things were no longer in with my things.  The more I felt like areas were clear of those painful memories, the easier it was to move on and breathe.

And now I breathe... in my own place with my three little girls who I have been entrusted with, to raise into great little humans.  Have there been hard days?  Oh, yeah!  Have there been days I can see the hand of God in my life just bringing me blessings and miracles.  Definitely.  It's those days that uplift and carry me when I'm weak, low, or feeling alone.

While a marriage is a hard thing to let go of, it's harder to live with the pain.  I remember praying so many times to just make the hurt stop.  Did it stop?  No, not really.  But I got tougher, stronger, more resilient each time the Lord's hand was stayed to deliver me.  It made me who I am today.

There was a point in my trials I had to mentally "walk on water" with perfect faith that things would work out.  My mother bought me a painting of Christ walking on water when she was here right before the divorce papers were filed.  That picture resonates with me still to this day.

I count my blessings, with gratitude, every day.  Life is precious.  Time cannot be wasted being sad.  Do what makes you come alive and find purpose again, then run with it!  It's never too late, you're never too far gone.

With Peace and Blessings,
Namaste - Amy