When Tragedy Strikes

I am now at the point of being at a loss for words, and have the words ready I have mulled around all day.  People ask how do we get this problem from happening again?  While there is not one PERFECT answer that we could do, I think a lot of what we need to do is start being better people the moment we are entrusted with little people to care for.

Now I am not saying that it is mandatory that we become strict rigid parents and shield them from the world.  That is wrong.  What I am saying is that we teach our children responsibility, love, and safety.  In a response to a facebook comment I left on a friend's page:

"I think the biggest statement we can take from this is to teach our children to be responsible human beings; keeping their rights, their morals, and our love close to them... and teach them that they are worthwhile. It may not be popular, but I taught my girls to shoot a BB gun this year as an entry into guns. I believe in protecting yourself and being responsible with it, and passing that responsibility onto your kids."

I have to wonder if the young man who did this, really knew he was a worthwhile human being buried beneath the darkness?  What was his support system like?  It is this young man's fault that he pulled the trigger, but I'm wondering where everyone else was in his life?  I wonder what happened with his mother that would leave him so angry he'd shoot her at work, and then, turn and fire on innocent children.

When you look at this world, there is a huge lack of love.  Does it take something this tragic to make you love your children and appreciate them more?  Does it make you grateful you have presents, however inexpensive or expensive they may be, that your children will open, and won't be left untouched?  Love is the greatest power in the universe.  Truly.  

People create things because they love to, because it makes them feel good.  All I can think is there was a lack of love somewhere for something like this to happen.  So, yes, be the change you want to see in this very sad world.  Change the way you treat and talk to people.  You never know that your passing glance in judgment or lack of acceptance may be the straw that breaks the trigger puller's back.

Be Kind.  Give Love.  Find Peace.

All my best, 
Amy

It's been a long road, but I love you!

So ladies and gents, here it is.  A breakdown of my breakdown lately.  I've suffered with PTSD for about two and a half years know.  See here.  Recently, I went to see this Chiropractor who also does wellness and what not, and she suggested I get my adrenals tested.  So I did.  On a level of 1-7, seven being the lowest function, I got a six.  Yep.  That explained the extreme exhaustion, lack of weight loss, and motivation for much.

Bounce ahead to today.  It's been one week since I started to take these new supplements and feel better.  I'm loaded with; B complex - with Calcium, a super multivitamin, Super Concentrated Cranberry Extract, Vitamin D, Vitamin E, Iron, Flax Oil (for Omega fats), biotin for hair and nails, lowered my Paxil dose to half, and will half again soon so I can wean off, added Wellbutrin back in on a low dose to help balance the Paxil nonsense, still take my thyroid medicine, sleep more than I used to, practice real breathing and yoga more often, drink more herbal teas, and if you read all of that, I'm impressed.

It's been some sort of rollercoaster I have been on, with this adrenal problem, but now that I am on the mend, I feel better.  I have to remember I can't take on so much at once and that I need to do what I can, and do my very best and not more than I should.  I think overload was a big part of my adrenal fatigue, because I constantly lived in a stressful situation, I would stress on top of other things and drain myself totally.  Thank heavens for miracles!

Anyway - I'm grateful to feel back enough to get a post up and to feel a bit more alive again.  I thank you for your patience in this life-long journey we have.  May you find peace and love with all that you do.

~Amy

Welp...

I'm so sorry I've been busy with school and what not that's led to this absence but, don't doubt for a moment that I don't think about you.  It's funny, when I become the one to struggle with my weight again.  Medication is a doozy; unpredictable and horrendous.  I've had my medicines switched again because I gained back what I lost... And I tracked my food.  I'm hoping it's in water weight or something.  We all struggle from time to time.  At least I admit it.

I think I'm doing relatively well in my college classes at the moment.  It's really exciting to learn things I never understood on the level I'm learning now.  The maturity of brain matter and material... HA HA!  (I know I'm preaching to the choir but I loves ya)

Anyway - I am always available for you - for support or whatever you need.  Shoot me an email and I will do my best to respond asap.  XO  Amy

English 101 Paper - A Reflection of what makes me tick

I realize I have been absent much in the big scheme of the blogging world and, I apologize. I am now a full time student!!  Yep. I've got a lot on my plate. However, that being said; I wanted to share a paper I wrote for my English 101 class. It got a good review from my instructor. It's time to share some intense and real feelings from me. 

Death is not the end, it's another beginning. But what happens if your work isn't done in this life? I explore that and more in this paper that's self reflective and more along the lines of a memoir. I hope you find help, hope, and love in this. 

When my life flashed before my eyes, and the realization of the damage that could be done by leaving, was the moment I acknowledged the impact I had yet to leave on the world.  I didn’t decide to be raped, but I chose to be a survivor.  I didn’t choose the medications to control my PTSD, but by taking them my life would forever be altered. 

Surviving rape left me with flashbacks, nightmares, depression, anxiety, insomnia, and a fear that just wouldn’t leave.  I knew I needed help to alleviate some of these things I had been overwhelmed with so I could cope and get through therapy.  My daughters needed their mother, so I sought out professional help in a psychiatrist, thinking they would be able to help me manage my problems with medication.

Day after day following my trauma, I would stand at my kitchen sink, preparing to swallow a handful of caplets and pills prescribed just to keep me alive, able to deal with the aftermath.  Each caplet, strangely enticing, with the hope of relief within its shiny exterior.  The tablets, coated to go down smoothly, put me at ease with my fears until the next handful was due. Twenty one different tablets and caplets a day I would drink down in one gulp.  I trusted that what I was ingesting was in my best interest and would help me, eventually.  But relief never came with the daily doses of medications.  Doctor after doctor.  Prescription after prescription.  No relief was in sight.

My therapist I saw once or twice a week would sit and visit with me.  She was watchful of the way I was feeling, how my medicines made me feel, and offered me hope for my future.  Wendy had reviewed my medications at every visit and under a gut feeling of “something just isn’t right”; she went to her laptop and researched my medications, their interactions, and side effects.  Her fingers rapidly tapping the keys, digging for answers, when all of a sudden, she stopped typing and her posture changed.  I could feel the energy change in the room.  It was thick and worrisome.

 It’s funny that she would be the one to recognize symptoms of a slow and silent killer.  Wendy wasn’t a psychiatrist, but simply the best therapist ever. What she was about to tell me would scared me.  “Amy, you need to find a different doctor.  You are showing signs of Serotonin Syndrome and I’m afraid with what I am reading here, you’re close to being in a dire situation fast.”  Finding out you shouldn’t have lived seven days, much less seven months on what you were prescribed to try to keep you alive was frightening.  The loads of pills I was instructed to take should have killed me on two separate occasions within one year.  I was “thisclose” to checking out of this life.  Two different prescriptions, when taken at the same time on a regular dose are lethal, and I had been prescribed a double of each. I sat there, thinking to myself “How in the world can this be possible?  How could someone prescribe such things to offer help but really leave you to die?”

I was pacing internally.  My logic screaming over and over in my head.  I was furious that someone could practice medicine and do such a thing.  “Was this in retaliation for me being ‘foolish’ to trust a co-worker who would rape me?” I thought.  “The first psychiatrist to treat me said it was my fault.  MY FAULT!” I screamed inside.  The hot tears rolled down my face, smearing my mascara, the only proof I had that showed I remotely cared what I looked like anymore.  So, following Wendy’s advice, I sought out a new professional to evaluate my medications. 

Within two days I was in the new psychiatrist’s office, telling him my lists of medications.  Wringing my hands with anxious anticipation, I sat patiently for him to respond.  He turned to his computer, typed a few things, clicked here and there.  Then, he sat quietly for a few moments.  I broke the silence, “If I died, there wouldn’t be any explanation?” I prodded the psychiatrist for answers. 

“Correct,” the doctor said coolly. Sitting quietly in thought, trying not to freak out on this man, and wrap my mind around death, I began to tremble. 

He continued, “We are going to have to detox you.  The levels you are on will not be easy to bring you down from.  You have the option of being put in a medically induced coma to come off of all of them, or wean off of them one at a time at home.”

I sat there and shook my head, planted my head in my hands and thought about my three little girls.  Their father worked in Oregon, three hours away and couldn’t help with the girls if I had to enter a hospital.  “So I guess I go one at a time.  It’s my only option,” I muttered. 

“Let’s start with Cymbalta first.  Go ahead and half the dose starting tomorrow. Stay at half a dose for one week, then next week remove the other,” said the doctor.  I raised a brow, as if my face were saying sarcastically, “Right, like this is going to work.”  Little did I know I was spot on.

The detox was excruciating.  Tremors, sweats, convulsions, and vomiting happened the first day, the second day wasn’t as horrific, but the days passing were still torture.  I was sure I had been sentenced to hell.  Openly sobbing and weeping for relief, I had wished I could die than endure another moment of detox.  I could do no more than lay curled up in bed with a tear soaked pillow and my comforting blanket from my best friend, Judy.  I spent several days miserable and tortured.  “Surely this can’t be the way to live, I swear I’m dying!  What about dying in your sleep peacefully?”  The cycle would continue for 6 weeks to remove four more medications from my system.

Once was enough for me to endure such a terrible circumstance.  But it didn’t stop at just once.  The second doctor, again, caused Serotonin Syndrome.  Knowing the upcoming process and suffering I would face, pits of despair and anguish washed over me-  absolute hopelessness for my health and my future.  Yet again, I went through detox to get me off of the lethal medications.  It was as excruciating and difficult as the first time.  Surely dying would be easier than suffering this all over again.  My depression buried me in a cloud of worthlessness.  Until one day, my worth was made apparent to me.

I was having an anxious and sleepless night.  I couldn’t rest or lay still as my brain was flooded with busy thoughts, and I was in dire need of rest.  I had been prescribed medicines to help with the anxiety and to help me sleep as needed.  They had always sat unused on my shelf, but tonight I was desperate for slumber.  So, I picked up the bottle, read the instructions and shook out two into my hand.  “Such tiny little green tablets,” I thought to myself.  “Please God, let this allow me rest.”  I popped them into my mouth, washed it down with a big gulp of water and returned to my bed.

As I slipped into a state of relaxation, I could feel my body getting stiff in the fetal position I had fallen into.  My kneecaps felt locked and rigid.  The blanket tucked up around my face rubbed against my nose with each shallow breath.  Each breath getting farther and farther apart.  My logical mind felt like it was slipping out of my skull, being pulled away like a tide would pull on the beach waters to return. 

It was then I woke up, staring into the face of my grandmother who had died four and a half years earlier.  The joy I felt to see her again radiated light bright beams from my soul.  I sat on my bed while she stood in front of me, adoring her beauty and feeling her love consume me with great warmth.  How I missed her!  She spoke to me, though not as we speak to one another.  Her thoughts could be heard inside my mind as clear as ever.  “Amy, I’m here for you. I came for you. Please come with me and let me show you some things.” She stretched out her hand and pulled me off of my bed and away from my body that now lay motionless.

I never would have expected to die from wanting to sleep, but I passed a mortal life of breath, hunger, and pain for moments of ease, love, weightlessness.  What I didn’t expect was the gravity of my choice if I wanted to leave this life, and this is exactly what she came to show me. 

She led me over to my computer that was open.  I leaned in to see the screen and what I saw would change my worthless feelings in an instant.  It was Facebook, with post after post from those who had felt my impact, who loved me, who would miss me.  The heartache I read over and over in each post caused a moment of reflection and sadness.  Gently my grandmother began to tug me away from my computer and told me to follow her down the hall into my living room.

Ten chairs sat filled with family and friends.  Each of my children taking a chair, their father, my aunt and uncle, my best friends Judy and Alicia, and my therapist, Wendy filled the others.  I looked around the room and could hear the questions in their minds, see the tears each person would shed mourning me, and felt their deep loss.  “Who’s going to take care of me?  Why is my mommy gone?  Why did she leave me?” were the helpless thoughts I heard over and over from my children.  The thoughts of everyone else were flooding over one other but I could feel into the depths of my present being their absolute pain and loss.  I squeezed my grandmother’s hand harder, feeling the peace that came with her returning grip.

“Amy,” she spoke to me, “it’s not your time to go yet.  You still have a great work to do here, but you can choose to go with me if you like.”  I reflected on the things that I had been shown and the feelings that pierced me to my core.  The peace, the freedom I felt being with her and leaving the tormented human body behind were so alluring. 

“No more medications or doctors.  No more suffering and pain…” I said to her, breaking mid-sentence “but please… take me back.”  She nodded as if to say she understood my heart and led me by my hand again, down my much shorter hallway now and into my bedroom.  I held her hand, tightly, feeling each knuckle and the last bit of warmth I would want to cherish, while fearing the loss of her all over again.  I sat down in my bed, on top of my lifeless body, taking all of her in for one last time until it would really be my time to go.

“Grandma, I love you.  Not a day passes I don’t miss you.  Please stay close. I’m scared…” I pleaded with her.  My grandmother then laid me down into my body, softly kissed my forehead, and said “I love you, now wake up Amy.  Wake up.”  The stiffness was leaving my body and I felt that heaviness again.  My eyes started to flutter and adjust to the surroundings that lay before me.  She was gone, and I was alone.  I searched my bed for my phone that had the sleep monitor running.  It was flat-lined for four hours.  This was not typical as my sleep is interrupted and has more peaks and valleys than the Rockies.  It would be the only proof of what happened in what felt like ten minutes, and yet, who’s going to believe a phone application that registers sleep patterns?  But I knew with my whole being what happened.  I couldn’t deny it.

The exhaustion that came over me following my experience had laid me up in bed for the entire day, but granted me the time to sit and evaluate what I really wanted in life. Pondering on what just happened and what work I had left to do, it was then I decided I had to find joy and a purpose in this life.  Things that had once held me back before seemed so minimal and inconsequential now.  

I always knew I wanted to help people with their eating, thinking, and physical fitness habits.  I just wanted the papers to prove I could do what I really wanted to do professionally.  The following day I registered for classes in Nutritional Sciences at Central Arizona College, all to be completed online.  Such a sense of accomplishment and joy came over me.

It was then that I wanted to share my life experiences of failure and success with others, to inspire them to be great and find peace in their lives, so I set up a challenge group.  I was inviting people to change their lives with me, for thirty days.  Their challenge?  To complete thirty miles in thirty days, every day to post some positive driving comment or quote to fuel them, and to be accountable for what they ate.  The success they are finding with me has been some of the most rewarding work I have ever been involved in. 

Is it the choices you make that define you?  Perhaps it’s the choices of others or things out of your control that shape or mold you?  My life experiences are a tale of both.  Others may impact your life negatively, but it’s what you do with it that ultimately determines your joy and outcome.  I have the ability to share with others, joy in spite of heartache, failure, abuse, and sickness.  I pave the way for others now to live a full life.  I wanted people to be simply inspired to live a better life.  And this is precisely what I have named my business.  “Be Simply Inspired.”

Be Patient With Yourself!

Never give up!  Never stop for your dreams or goals.  Believe in the power to do everything your heart desires!  Go Get It!

Love - Amy

Calories, Challenge I done, Challenge II ON!

After the video you can find the formula to calculate your personal calories.  PLEASE!!!  USE IT!!

For Women this is what you do

1. take 4.35 multiply it by your weight in pounds, write it down
2. take 4.7 and multiply by your height in inches, write that down
3. take 4.7 and multiply by your age in years, write that down.
4. Now add 655 to numbers from step 1 and 2.  Subtract step 3.  Write down that number.

If you want to lose, here is how you figure your defecit:

Your exercise factor is :

• Sedentary (1.2) - meaning little or no exercise is what you plan on during the week
• Lightly Active (1.375) - meaning you lightly workout 1-3 days a week
• Moderately Active (1.55) - Moderate exercise 3-5 days a week (Power walking program)
• Very Active (1.7) - Hard exercise 6-7 days a week (IE Insanity, P90X, HIIT Training)
• Extremely Active (1.9) - Hard daily exercise or phyiscal job

Take the number from the first steps (STEP 4) and multiply it by your activity level. What my formula looks like is this.

STEP 1 : 4.35 x 160 = 696

STEP 2 : 4.7 x 59 = 277.3

STEP 3 : 4.7 x 31 = 145.7

STEP 4 : 655 + 696 + 277.3 - 145.7 = 1482.6

I will be doing INSANITY and SPIN class : I will use VERY ACTIVE 1.7 in my formula.

1482.6 x 1.7 = 2520.42

YOU ARE NOT DONE YET

If you want to lose weight - subtract 500 from your above STEP 4

If you want to maintain your weight - do nothing

If you need to gain weight - NOT ME - add 250-300 calories a day.

So my end formula is 2520.42 - 500 = 2020 Calories a day.

This needs to be modified as your activities change, your weight changes more than 10 lbs, or if you start gaining.

Write this in for DAY 1 at the top in your journal/live journal. I hope this helps lay a foundation for you. I know it will count for me. This is why it will be important to COUNT your calories. To make sure our nutrition is feeding our bodies right. If you're too low, you go into starvation and hang onto weight. If you're too high, you won't lose. Once you get stable eating your caloric intake, we will focus on meals that are 40% proteins, 40% carbs and 20% fats. I'll give examples as the weeks go on.

Just don't drink your calories or snack them away wastelessly. We will get results! I promise!

All the best! AMY

Come See Me At Great Workout Videos or www.Shakeology.com/BSimplyInspired

Lets Talk About Challenge II a little!

As we draw Challenge One to a close, I realize Challenge Phase two is upon us.  A sneak peek at what to expect.  Also, why what you drink is important and my new favorite tool!

If you're following the challenge but not a facebook friend and want the materials - please let me know and I'll make them available for download!  I wish you all the best that life has to offer!

"Without exception, every person who has an amazing life, used LOVE to achieve it."  ~Rhonda Byrne

(gosh I really dislike the pictures they use for the video)

Bit on Love

My daughter's seventh birthday is today and we are currently jamming out to her new Justin Bieber CD.  Yes, for real.  Her favorite song is "All Around The World" - but the message behind the song is that all around the world people just want to be loved.  And that's the truth!  People want and need love in their lives.  It's one of the ways we define ourselves.

I hope you are finding the love and support you deserve in this life.  You are worthy of it.  The most important love that you can find in this life, next to the love from our Creator, is the love you have for yourself.  Truly.  When you can't love yourself, how can you honestly love someone else?  Because in order for you to see good in others, you gotta see it in you too!  

If you are up for good reading and a great book - it's second to my scriptures - I recommend "The Power" by Rhonda Byrne. I listen to it in the mornings on my iPod while I get ready, and I read it when I need to change the way I am thinking or feeling.  It's in the iTunes store for digital download too....

Everything is directly related to how we feel, how we view ourselves, and what we project.  We tell people how to treat us.  Start acting like the priceless and amazing person you are and see what comes back to you!

All the best!

Amy

Motivation...

This is truer than true.

My heart behind my footsteps was much stronger than my muscle pushing me.  Listen to what moves you!  It turns great results!

Go Get It!

Amy

Runnin' Dir-tay!!!

Wow - what a flattering picture...

Sea Salt Flush FAQ

I cover how, why,and my tips to get a Sea Salt flush to go down.  I believe in it after I did it... Holy cow!

What you will need:

PURE SEA SALT - Iodide free
Warm Filtered/bottled water
Cup
1 TSP Measuring spoon
OPT - but I say mandatory - Lemon or Lime Juice - one teaspoon

If you have questions - leave a comment or find me in the support group!!

Closing week two!! YAY! And Injuries Boo!

Just a bit of love from my heart to yours!  Don't let ANYTHING stop you from your goals and dreams!  (not even a clumsy fall)  I love you!  Amy

What it's about... 10 days in

What this is about... truly...  Love you! Amy

Practice Gratitude in Everything

Make it as regular as waking up and going pee in the morning!  Yep - I said going pee on my blog.  Only because once because we become creatures of habit, do we really work things to their fullest potential.  Once you get the morning routine down, try it while you drive... be grateful for your AC or that you have a car!  Try it before bed... what were you grateful for before you go to bed in a comfortable spot and not on a dirt floor.

I'll post some updates on my measurements tomorrow!  Yipes!  No pressure!

Yours on this journey, Amy

Headed into week 2!!!

It's all about perspective people!  How you see yourself, what you say to yourself, and what you think to yourself.  Let me explain...

Lets go get this!! XO Amy

30 day challenge day 3 vlog!

The store I bought my wall art at is called Gordmans.  The app I use on my phone to track my runs is called MiCoach as it works for Android users WELL (if you remember to PUSH START ACTIVITY) and it will let me track my sneaker wear and tear!  It's cool.  And uh... I think that's it!

Yours on this fitness journey and beyond!  Amy

This mornings thoughts

This morning was not a typical morning by any means.  I didn't sleep well... PTSD still gets me sometimes and I hate that.  It will change though.  I promise you.  But I got some things under my belt that I can share with you that made this a profoundly different morning.

Here is what I posted to my challenge group.  I hope you find this helpful.  The impact you have on others may change the way you see yourself.  I know it did for me this morning, and it has for me this last week.  Go get 'em champ!

The Challenge Unlocked

The Facebook Group I lead


So here it is - I'm starting to shop for the prizes for the winners.  Yeah, I know I said winners because I hate not having more than one.  I haven't had a man challenge the group yet, sorry to say... but I'm happy to eat men alive! HA!


Basically what my challenge boils down to is this:


Scripture a day, thankful for something a day, or motivational quote for a day. Do this with me for thirty days - as well as my personal trainers challenge and I will enter you into a prize drawing! It will be worth it! You must tag me every day! (if you cannot run, and I mean cannot, and you want in, message me....) We are here to change lives! I want some positive energy on Facebook and in this world! Let's do this! You in?! Starting August 1st!


This is my trainer - Ahmad Baari - he's fantastic - I'm taking on the intermediate challenge.  Yep.  I'm in overdrive here folks!  And school starts for me in the middle of the challenge but how else am I going to ring in my birthday in September by feeling great and looking great without some sort of amazing effort put in. Habits start and continue in 30 days!

Since only LADIES took me up so far - one of the gifts is a set of makeup that can be used as eyeshadow or a bronzer... YEP!  PIXI makeup!  $27.00 set!  I'd love to skype with you and show you how to use it!  I bought one for myself and won't use it unless I complete the challenge! :)  I am going to get a Target or Amazon giftcard too because with the body you'll gain with this challenge who wants to wear old workout wear?  Right?  This is coming from my own pocket, nothing was donated.  Yep.  For real.

So with that being said.  I'm with you on this, you with me?

All the best, Amy

Been busy moving

I moved one of my best friends in with me this last week. It was cardio and weights at it's finest! Stairs, boxes, cleaning, sweat... Yes a workout! I came across an old picture that reminded me of what is important. My face is changing. Not just the thinning of my face but my face glows. Do you know when you are grateful, when you share your gifts, talents, joy with others it comes back to you? Truly? In spite of everything in my life, I am pretty contented and happy. First time I can say that. Here is a picture odd my face change. PS. Challenge details starting August first will post later. This post is coming straight from my phone! XO Amy.

Do we need Ghostbusters?

Well, probably not, but, this is a great way to not let those nutrient rich foods go to waste and keep your body clean and healthy at the same time.  I used my fantastic Oster blender I got at Costco a few years back, a Brita self filtering water bottle, and some Sterilite BPA free ice cube trays from Wal-Mart to do this little ditty with the Organic Baby Kale I purchased from Costco a few days ago.  I hate waste, so I had to find a way to save my kale!  Perhaps I won't be saving every nutrient, but I am saving most I would imagine.  And this stuff is good for me.  I'm enjoying it!  I hope this gives you hope or options when it comes to going green with your drinking smoothies and protein shakes.  It's possible to eat clean and live well!  Yours in health and on this journey - Amy

Slimer is laid to rest

Video blog to come soon! editing XO

Well...

Working out has between kicking up intensity lately. Higher inclines, including running, pushing myself because I am so dang determined to see changes. I guess it will come the more I push.  Staying with the plan gets hard when you don't see the scale move because you feel like a failure, and when I told Ahmad this he told me to put my scale away for the next six days. So I did... It's in time out.

I know inches lost is more important than the scale numbers so... Onward I go.

Quick update

Bought lots of organic produce and foods today at Costco. Good eating ahead. Tomorrow morning workout is planned. I am relieved... Happy. Ready. Keep moving forward!

Posting from my phone!

Minor success today! Realizing that even though changes may be slow, they come. Here's my measurement logs and what yesterdays gym intervals looked like. I am working hard. I found i am battling medication. But it's possible to continue to put the effort in to make yourself better! Hang in there! You can do it!

Day 8 recap and VLOG - (LOST VLOG)

Maybe this will post whatever I do have stored on my computer... 

**This is a "lost" vlog - and isn't as complete as my other videos**

Sometimes the best blogs are the little bit longer ones that explain more of the process to you instead of you having to read it!

**VLOG recorded on the 11th of July**

So sorry

Technical difficulties plague me yet!  BAH!  If I can recover or post old vlogs, I will.  I hope that you are sticking with me, and with this process.  It's worth it.  I am doing work on myself for my PTSD the same time as workouts and changing my body, and I think that it's helping the process along.  As I get stronger, so does my mind and my confidence in my ability to overcome.  I hope you enjoy!  *Warning - I was chewing a pumpkin seed! lol*

Yours in this journey,

Amy

GO HARD OR GO HOME! - Gray Maynard

Day Seven - Skyscraper - Cover by @KarminMusic

"Go on and try to tear me down, I will be rising from the ground, like a sky scraper."

This version, this band, her styling... it's so me.  I love Karmin anyway. Maybe it's the fact her name is Amy too, or the fact she's so very retro and pin up looking too... and down to Earth.

But the triumph over life and our trials is true.  We can accomplish anything.

This morning when I took my week one progress shots, I noticed that my body is changing.  When I stepped on the scale, my weight was up a half a pound from one week ago.  The eating disorder in me was screaming.  SCREAMING.  The logic in me was hollering right back to shut up.  Thankfully I had a text from Ahmad that was streaming real time in my head too: "That half pound up is burning calories.  It's muscle."

I look over the progress pictures, which I am still too chicken to post, and I do see the changes.  It's a fight in me.  It's still a real battle I fight.  But I fight it with you.  Don't listen to the scale.  Listen to the change your clothes, to your body changing shape.  You are rising from the ashes of your former self.  Give your body time.  Throw the scale away if you have to.  It's a process and a journey.  Not a destination.  Keep plugging along with me!  You can do it!

Tonight I go to Spin Class - What are you doing?

Yours in this journey - Amy

Day Six - Wow... Sunburns and All - Video Blog

Feeling failure to get even ten push-ups out was horrifying for me.  I laid down and cried for the first time.  When your body says enough is enough, you sometimes have to listen and just do what you can... and that's okay.  So yesterday was an easier cardio day.  I have had to take it in stride and learn to listen to my body.  Ahmad is teaching me things I have  been too stubborn in my past to listen to and caused injury to myself before.  Even when your body is sore... you can do something, just an easier version.  Get your heart working and the sweat dripping, now that is good.  Ahmad and I worked on our plan yesterday and that's what it was.  Building this cardio beast. 


(And the Boise Music Festival where I got a wicked sunburn which SUCKS when wearing a sports bra!!!  OUCH!)  

Day six... that's been fun - here's my video blog for the update.  You can work through it... it can be done.  I'm living proof!  I believe in you - because someone believes in me. :)  PS - today I did push-ups - and burpees - because I rested yesterday - no tears dripping down these cheeks... :)

Yours On This Journey,

Amy XO

Day Four! Video Included!

When you think you can't do it anymore... when there's no gas left in your tank...  Think of everyone who told you that you couldn't.  That you'd never amount to anything.  Use that as fuel for your fire to finish, because if you lay down and die, they win.  And we cannot let that happen.

For those that came before and have lost their lives, we honor them when we keep moving forward.

For those that tried to hold us down and tell us we couldn't, we show them otherwise.  One foot in front of the other is all it takes.  That's all it takes my friends.

Day Three - Recap! Video!!

Diet was clean yesterday.  I had to pull from my bowels to get myself out of bed to go workout.  This double medicine stuff was hard.  The weaning off of it ends today 7-6-2012 and I should notice a difference here soon!  I've posted a video to recap my feelings and some motivation to the masses.  I love you!  Keep moving forward!

To follow the workouts I'm doing - Simply go to INSTAGRAM and follow my friend Ahmad Baari - @damhas - #femalefullbodyworkout - he's got photos demonstrating how to do the whole workout too!

Day One - Let's Do This

There has been a long road in my life - getting me to where I am now with my health - both mentally and physically.  A lot of it I have to say comes from the mental aspect of your willingness to let go and allow the process to change you.  As the blog carries on and things get moving ahead - day after day, I will add into the mix more and more about my life and what brought me to the breaking point.  For now, I will begin blogging my journey back to healthy so as to share with you what I am able to accomplish because I truly believe with your heart and mind in the right spot there is nothing you can't tackle.

There is this great book I was introduced to called "The Power" by Rhonda Byrne.  Fantastic book to read - or listen to and read along.  I listen to it on my iPod when I need to recharge my brain power now and change my thinking again because I forgot - I am in control of the things in my life I let slip.  Once I learned how to use my thoughts and feelings to control things in my life, truly miraculous things happened.  Down to specific details.

I have been on a mission to reclaim my health, my sanity, my joy.  Fitness is a huge aspect in that for me.  I always felt like watching The Biggest Loser I was cheated because I deserved an opportunity like that - for someone to say I was worth the investment of time and energy of a personal trainer to change my body and my mind, but I wasn't fat enough to make the show.

About four days ago I sat in my car and started to mentally put together what I would need to be able to accomplish my goals I had written out.  He would need to be about thirty something.  Maybe like Dolvett.  Live far away so I don't feel intimidated but could keep me accountable.  Know something about fitness for women.  Have videos where he shows me what to do.  Be positive and kind.  SEE ME THROUGH.

Enter INSTAGRAM.  On the popular page - here's a fitness multi-square photo... hmm... interesting.  "Burn fat...."  I read - looked at the other photos... This is what I'm looking for - went to the personal page - "Yes!" I exclaimed!  Then went to the YouTube - and started to cry.  I think I found the person!  Simply responded to an Instagram that I would endeavor to make my mile faster to drop the body fat like he said it would.  He responded. And that's how it started.

Ahmad Baari is incredible.  He's my personal trainer across the distance.  I trust this man to help me get to my goals, even though I can't meet him face to face.  He takes me on, all my baggage, and day one is done.  My workout was based on a YouTube video today.

Four times folks.  Workout In The Maximum Heart Rate Zone
You can also download his workouts to your smart phone.

I have been doing spin class  on my own for about 12 weeks now - so my legs are built like tree stumps - but my cardio overall is lacking.  We are building that now - and for that I am grateful.  I suggest you download his book for just $10 or grab a workout for less than that.  :)  He's a good guy.

Proof that his workouts work...

Yours in fitness - and on this journey...

Amy